A Leaf (written November 5, 1990, but true today)

I wear a guise of green
which,
come autumn,
turns vibrant red or gold.
I might look beautiful to your eye,
but I'm dying inside.
Your branch holds me,
and though during the summertime
I accepted your grip
on my life,
even welcomed it:
seasons change.
The wind blows.
I long to fly in it.
Let me go.
Let me die.

reality?

don't feel love, don't feel hate
i feel a little too little a little too late

don't save face or compensate
i feel a little too little a little too late

never thought i'd break my vow
we'll try to work through it somehow
but maybe we are different now

don't feel bad, don't feel great
i feel a little too little a little too late

don't want to nibble on your bait
i feel a little too little a little too late

never thought i'd break my vow
i don't know how i'm feeling now

so i'll try to get by
for the kids, you, and i
try to build it again
and stand by my man
if i can

or maybe it's time to play it straight
or say it's much too little, and much too late

let's do the time warp again

until this morning, i was under the impression that after this coming weekend, halloween was the next weekend. i was totally forgetting about a weekend in between now and then. wow.

i guess when every day is pretty similar and weekends are just another day, it all just kind of forms this amorphous time blob that i seem to suspend in like fruit pieces in a jello mold.

and on that note, maybe i should take a nap.

looking forward to my winter of discontent

my little girl is confused by christmas decorations everywhere- it may as well be winter!

my heart is sick and i don't see it bouncing back soon.

my little boy will be one in less than a month.

i wonder when/if i will be one? i suppose i will always be at least three.

the constant caretaker

i do not get sick days
i am always at the beck and call of everyone in the household

it tends to wear on the soul...