i need a break

lonely in upstate
guess it's just my fate
but i didn't want to wait
or hate...any longer
i need a beer
the coyotes are near
the future ain't clear
but i'm here...maybe stronger

hungry in upstate
no food on my plate
but i can't hesitate
or berate...chin up now
keep the kids happy
steal some time for me
sing me a story
of glory...right now

between the copse of birch trees
and the crabapple tree
i know i can be
a much better me
between the city lights
and the cold cold nights
i know i can be
a much better me

the proof is in the puddin', and by puddin', i mean poetry!

"i.d." (written circa 1993)

i've pressed myself
supressed myself
depressed myself damn!
i'm many things to many people...
i want to be one thing to myself

i've had too much to think
too much to drink
too much to think about!
what you really think i am
is what i wish i wasn't
i'm many things to many people...
i want to be one thing to myself

i can't get to sleep
can't get too deep
don't get to keep my identity
they pull it away from me...
they pull it away from me...
i'm many things to many people...
i want to be one thing to myself

untitled (written circa 1995)

i got a message from outside
it planted me in the ground
when you see with your eyes
there's just nothing around
i took the signal to run faster
to a place i'd been in dreams
i took a drink of happiness
which is more than it seems
someone is pulling for me
i can taste that smell in their eyes
i fall backwards backwards forwards
it cuts me down to size
slinking in corners so no one knows
the roots are planted, still i grow

so i saw a man about some love
he told me to stop it and play in the rain
it's so much better to be insane

thoughts all gnarled like a tree trunk
they grab me, suspend me
i see everything from above
all its weight and density
did i think you'd understand
this stuck feeling? no, never
this unbelonging tie that's there
and may be there forever
when i cry to the earth to free me
yet you pull me and i stay
something tells me someone doesn't
feel like taking me today
i wonder if tomorrow he'll change his mind
i wonder what it is i'm going to find

untitled (written circa 2000)

sometimes i sit and think and think
what the fuck do i think about?
i think about you and i think about me
and why did we choose to live this way-
did we really have a choice
and if we really had a choice
what would we choose?
sometimes i sit and cry and cry
yeah, i always know what i'm cryin' about
either i'm sick of this or sick of that
and why did i choose to live this way?
did i really have a choice
and if i really had a choice
what would i choose?
what would i choose?
every step i make sends me deeper
every road i take sends me away
every step i make sends me steeper
every road i take sends me away
sometimes i sit and yell and scream
i used to know what i scream about
it all just scares me a little too much
and why did i choose to live this way-
did i really have a choice
and if i really had a choice
what would i choose?
what would i choose?
what could i choose?
when there's everything to lose?